It's crazy how quickly things change.  Life is such a roller coaster and my morale is pretty low right now.  Well whatever, it doesn't really matter.

What a weekend!

The wedding was beautiful and quit an extravagant one at that.  This was only the second wedding that I've been to and the first one I was late to.  So it was quite an experience to sit through a whole ceremony and witness each and every step.  I couldn't be happier for Maryann and Ronald. 

The reception was fun as well, and I was able to reunite with some old flames and friends.  I gave the toast, in which I really worked on not embarrassing Maryann.  I flew back to Sacramento, and drove to Davis to proceed to Lake Tahoe.

We arrived at the retreat house around 10 PM and I got settled in.  I only slept about 3 hours that first night, just because I had so much energy built up from the wedding and in anticipation of the retreat.  Got up the next day and helped entertain the cooks in the morning and messed around the rest of the day, jumping in and out of workshops.  At night was the "Year in Review" which ended up being the same as a few past years, and not the bitch session that it had been before.  Ultimately, I think it was semi-productive.  I was able to get off of my chest, how unwanted I had felt at the beginning of the year, but turned it right around and said that it was my own fault for letting the comments get the better of me. 

I met some very amazing individuals, like Pam and Carolyn, who have such a strong and confident sense of self.  I only wonder if UC Davis is as ready for them as they are for it.  I believe that the attendees of this retreat walked away with so much. 

I think next year the community in Davis will be very successful, given the momentum that it has.  However, I don't know how united the community will be, given the mindset that its members have. 

The weather in San Diego is awesome!!!  Yes, I'm here in beautiful sunny southern California, celebrating the union of my best friend and her fiancee in holy matrimony.  I flew in early this morning after packing for a whole weekend while drunk.  I didn't miss my flight and I got a very good seat, while everybody in line, in security, and on the plane were absolutely pleasant.  More of the same from the airport to the rental car terminal.  I went to visit a girlfriend of one of my brothers and we went to lunch and shopping where again, everyone was in a great mood. 

There are certain times in life when everything just makes sense.  This is not one of them!  Everyone was totally nice to me, Maryann is stressing, trying to get everything done perfect, Ronald is doing everything in his power to keep Maryann from having a nervous breakdown, and I'm here trying to get stuff done that she will not have time for!  The irony exists in the fact that this is all occurring on the eve of what could potentially be the happiest day of their lives together.  Isn't love grand?

Third time is a charm.  YES!!!

Well that was unexpected.  It's one of those times when things just aren't working for me.  You know, when things happen that you could not anticipate. I'm trying to think of reasons that can keep me strong.  That can keep me in the game.  I'm thinking of reasons that will be my rod and staff to comfort me.  Reasons that can be my bridge over troubled waters.  Those reasons are very important.  Nietsche said, "If you know the why for living, you can endure almost any how."  What are the reasons that I do what I do?  I've got to find out the reasons that will make me strong and that will make me walk by faith and not by sight.  Everybody is against me or doesn't believe in me any more.  Let me tell you something. It's a lonely feeling.  It’s a very lonely feeling. Particularly people that I am doing it for.  Or people that stand to benefit the most.  Or people who should be the number one members in the encouragement club but they end up saying, "You can’t do it," and they become members of the discouragement club.  Oh it hurts very badly.  I'm going through it now.  I have people that I love, that are close to me, and they look at me with that look and say, "Why don’t you try something else?  Why don’t you give up?"  They tell me that the fraternity is not what I think it is about.  What they don't understand is that this is my life.  This is what I believe in.  I’ve got to do this.

What is the most confident you've ever felt?  There are certain times in your life that everything just makes sense.  Some people call it an epiphany.  What I am feeling though is much more than that.  It might be what Maslow called self-actualization.  I really hope that I don't stray to far away from it.  I want to share it. 

I was asked yesterday to speak at my friend's wedding reception, because her Maid of Honor doesn't want to give the speech.  I am flattered and to be honest, unsure of what I am going to say.  I don't want to embarrass her too much, and at the same time, I want to leave a lasting impression and a strong memory of her in all of the guests. 

NO FIGHTING

NO TEARS

NO ANGER

NO PAIN

NO FEAR

NO GUNS

NO HATE

NO WAR

WORLD PEACE

JUST SMILES

JUST JOY

JUST HUGS

JUST LOVE

JUST HOPE

JUST HAPPINESS

JUST NIRVANA

JUST PEACE

I met a legend yesterday.  Mr. Bill Sorro, a former resident of the International Hotel, formerly on the corner of Jackson and Kearny, came and spoke at Chi Rho Omicron's culture event at the California State University, San Francisco campus.

It was an honor to hear his heartfelt anecdotes and memoirs about the residents of the hotel as well as the inspiration that he drew from the whole incident. 

A mother is one who can take the place of all others, but whose place no one else can take.

I miss my mom.  What can I say?