The wedding was really nice.  I had a blast at both the church services and at the reception.  Phong and Maylyn are Vietnamese and Filipino, respectively, and they were able to include and combine their cultures into an otherwise Catholic wedding.

For example, the first reading was done in English, and the second reading was done in Vietnamese.  Also, within the responsorial prayer, the verses were spoken in each language.  They were able to also put in the Filipino wedding traditions, like that giving of the coins, the laying of the veil, and the laying of the cord.  It was very touching and at the same time, did not appear to "short-change" any of the customs. 

I believe that it was the way life was meant to be.  It was an example of how people can live in harmony, still maintain their own culture, and appreciate each others' culture as well.  Too often, we take a position of "I'm right" and "They're wrong."  When in actuality, we are all a little bit right, and a little bit wrong at times.

I learned and was reminded of a few things as well.  I learned that Father Cesar, who conducted the service, made up a word.  The word he made up was "Sacramentality."  That brought a laugh to my friends and me.  Also, I learned that it is a small world.  I saw about 10-15 people that I didn't expect to see, and didn't know that they knew either Phong or Maylyn.  I even learned of a way to categorize love.  The first is "I love you if..."  The second is "I love you because..."  The last is "I love you in spite of..."  It's another way of saying conditional and unconditional love.  For a long time now, I don't believe that there is unconditional love.  At least not in the sense that people think of it.  I believe there is agape love, as delineated in the Bible, but I think a lot of people misinterpret it. 

Everyone brings up the love a mother has for a child.  Yet within that context, the condition is that the child is theirs.  However, when one says, "I love you in spite of..."  it means so much more than that.  That's agape love.  It's love that transcends all differences, all disagreements, all misunderstandings, no matter who they are.  What it means, is that a person that can demonstrate it will accept everyone, and not prejudge, get angry towards, or think otherwise of another being in the universe.  That's still conditional though, isn't it?  The condition is that someone has to be that good.  I continue to work toward that ideal.  Some goals are not meant to be met.  Only striven for.

The last thing I learned is how much I want to learn Tagalog, Ilokano and Pangasinan.  I want to learn all of those dialects because my family spoke them.  It's important for me to be able to do my own wedding vows in one of my own native languages.  It's important for me to know that I did all that I could to continue the legacy of what I believe being Filipino entails is.  It may not be important to anybody else, but it's important to me.  That's what matters the most. 

Okay, I'm going to attend a wedding at 1400 hrs this afternoon.  My date, who I asked 2 months ago, and shall remain nameless, calls me this morning and says she can't make it.  Then she asks me why i sound irritated! 

This is one of those instances where there is a lack of campassion.  There is a lack of consideration.  I didn't yell, I didn't complain, I didn't even chew her out.  I bit my tongue.  But please.  Let me be irritated.

you asked…

and so i wrote.
slave to inspiration
initiates imagination,
match struck fuse lit
for special occasions.
cue the music.
i write to heat
fluids to drip
bent on descent
down down
down
down down
i'll stop the world and melt
into pools of messages felt
like hot springs got wings
to delight in flight
delivering deluge of
delicious downpour.
no refuge.
drown more.
found more
reason to write
for you
teased out insight
from inside's dim lights
response to invite,
incense shows half past midnight,
oil slick's iridescence
spilled essence onto paper,
burning taper
convergence to ballpoint
to you
because you wanted me to
and i wanted it too.
so finally
blindingly out of the blue
you asked,
and so i wrote.

- torch, request taker, Jerry Ponce

You and Me

you and me,
we could make
beautiful...
futility.

why would
someone like you
take the time to
chill with me?

the fact is
you wouldn't.

i be gettin mad
cuz you so fly.

you sit there,
lookin like you do,
every movement
ending in a pose.
not to impress,
just
accidentally
picturesque.

i'm out of breath.

sitting so as
to see you,
i can only muster
enough composure
to curse.
shit.

that's how fly
you are.
fuck.

so fly
it sucks.
damn.

stuck.
shit.

you need
to leave.
now.

i hate
how dope you are.
it makes me
sick
that you're so
dope.

i haven't
even begun
to fantasize.
i could never
visualize
you with me.
it wouldn't work.

it would be like
a stick figure
made of
play-doh
seducing a statue of venus.

it would be like
slapping Roy Jones
and calling him
bitch.
(like *slap* -- 'BITCH!')

it would be like
chasing
the ice cream truck,
you know the one
driven by that asshole
who won't slow down,
taunting you with
inane chiming.
doot-de-doo-doo.
bastard.

it would be like
when i read my poetry,
like at a
poetry reading.

you piss me off.

what are you
doing later?
huh? i didn't say anything.
(shit.)

 -Jerry Ponce

You Just Don't Know

you don't know
the things i think
about you.
like how you
browse through
my insides,
turning them
inside out
and out of order
like you're
looking for something.
and if i knew
exactly what it was,
i'd help you
find it.
a little lower and to the right.

you don't know
what you do to me.
those feelings i get
when i see
your nonchalance
that disguises
your wants
if you feel
anything like i feel
but then you would know.
and i doubt
that you do.

you don't know
what i might say
if i allowed myself
to get carried away
and display the contents
and all the nonsense
rushing within me,
crashing and stuggling
to be those words chosen
when my uncertainty
is no longer frozen.

you don't know
these impulses i get
when i feel the threat
of nothing happening
betwen us.
and urges run
too fast for me to catch
until that
last vital second
before i play myself.

you don't know
how much i
just want to
touch
grab
hold
squeeze
kiss
love
tell

you

just

don't

know.

-Jerry Ponce

They got on the bus at Hollywood and Vine.  It was crowded and there were no seats, so they piled in, searching for space on the shiny bars to wrap their hands around.  She kept shifting and slipping – her bag was too heavy – so the girl beside her reached for it and carried it instead.

Went to the tabling day with Delta Chapter at the University of San Francisco.  There were quite a few of us there.  Even the old timers like Jbiz and G came out and supported.  That's the great part of being a brother of Chi Rho Omicron.  We're always down for each other, and if we haven't seen each other in a long time, it's just like we saw each other yesterday.

Made it back to Davis just in time for class, and since I don't have my glasses yet, I still can't see.  I was able to get my vision checked on Friday, and I ended up hearing concerning news.  I guess my eyes are getting even more distorted and at the rate that they are progressing, I will eventually go blind.  Hence, my astigmatism is so bad right now that even that LASIK surgery would not be possible without damaging the cornea.  It was a lengthy explanation.  I'm going to get a second opinion though, and see what other opthamalogists say.

After class I went to the Sinagtala "Popcorn Series Workshop 1."  I was almost two hours late, but I caught the group about two-thirds of the way through the movie Drumline.  I felt that the lesson of the workshop was about discipline and thinking and performing as an ensemble within Sinagtala.  I felt it was a long way of getting the message across, and could have been handled more succinctly.  That's just me though.  It's often been said that my expectations are too high.  Again, I respond with, "Nobody rises to low expectations."

I feel really good about this week, although it's going to be very busy again.  Going to the University of San Francisco to table and recruit for Delta Chapter.  Should be a good time.  I sent an e-mail to Angela, and hopefully she comes out to visit.  If we do well at this tabling event, then Delta should have a good sized class.  With any luck, they will have quality in there too. 

Since I'm busy, I'm going to grace you with some of writings of my fellow schoolmates at Davis.  I found them while doing a search on Mga Kapatid on Google.  They keep an archive of newsgroup posts, and a lot of people used to post their poems on it.  These people are geniuses who are able to capture so many emotions in a limited amount or words.  I try to write, but it's not quite my niche. 

Retreat so far has been great!  Pomona is now officially a full fledged chapter of Chi Rho Omicron!  I remember meeting those guys back in Spring 2000 and going through the whole process with them.  We did a lot of leadership training at the retreat too.  After most of the business was done, we went out to Big Bear Lake and rented a boat to go out it.  I can't swim, so although they guys tried to scare me, it was a blast.  Alright, time to get back to business.

All packed and ready to go to Chi Rho Omicron retreat.  Big Bear Lake.  It's on.