Five more days until showtime.

December 5, 2003 at 8:00 pm $12 adults/$7 seniors, students, and children

December 6, 2003 at 8:00 pm $15 adults/$7 seniors, students, and children

December 7, 2003 at 2:30 pm $12 adults/$7 seniors, students, and children

Sinag-tala is well on its way.  I've been up most of the week working on the souvenir program, and if it weren't for my partner, Mr. Dave San Pedro, it still wouldn't be done.  In fact, he did a majority of the program.  We both pretty much pulled all-nighters from Sunday through Thursday. 

Then on Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, I found myself locked out of the house at 11:30 pm with only a t-shirt, shorts, and tsinilas on.  Nobody was waking up to open the door despite my pounding on the door and calling the phone.  I jump the fence and tap on the window of my lola's room.  Nothing.  I was out there for more than half an hour.  So I weigh out the consequences.  Break a window, break the sliding glass window in the back yard, break through the garage door, or kick the front door open.  So I kick the front door open.

I got word on Wednesday, that I was cast for a part in a Sacramento City College staging of "Walls," a play by Filipina writeer Jeannie Barroga.  I'm really stoked, cuz I didn't think I'd be able to get a part.  This show is bigger in some ways than Sinag-tala, and smaller in some ways.  The cast is smaller, and we'll only rehearse for a month.  However, we're doing nine shows.  That's three times as many shows as Sinag-tala.  I hope I do well.

So come to my shows!

Today, I woke up at 0700 hrs to my uncle and my lola fighting.  Same old shit, but different day of the week right?  Well here's the twist.  I got up and I hear my uncle saying "I'm going to hurt you" in Ilocano.  My lola yells my name in fear, and I see that my uncle is standing over my lola, holding her wrists as she is sitting down on the end of the couch.

I run over and blindside the son-of-a-bitch, turning him around and knocking him down so that he is on the couch.  I pin him down and just start wailing on him, continually yelling, "DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN!  YOU WILL NEVER HURT LOLA!"  He got a couple of shots at me, but for the most part, he had no leverage to put anything behind him.  When I finally do stop, he's yelling at the both of us, saying he's gonna sue me or some bullshit like that.

That's his mom.  That is his biological mom.  How in the world could that happen?  In Ilocano, she kept on saying, "How come you would hurt your mom?  You would not be here if it weren't for me!"  He responded, "You didn't take care of me since I turned seven."  They think I don't understand.  For the most part though, I do.

It tears me apart.  I don't know how my mom kept this family together.  Somehow, she did.  I'm sure it weighed on her immensely.  Imagine the weight on her shoulders.  I think all the stress contributed to her condition.  It's just not possible for me to give up either.  She never did.  Maybe it killed her.  Blood is thicker than water.  Is that true?  Can you always count on family more than friends?  I'm so confused.

It's a dream right?

I got two other eye comments!  I'm probably making a ridiculously big deal out of it, but it's one of the only things that is boosting my self-worth right now.  At least that I can perceive.  Maybe I'm just really dense, and not attuned to my surroundings.  See, more negativity.

I failed to mention that I went to proxy a couple of King Law School classes on Thursday.  I attended a Contracts course and a Criminal Law course.  Really interesting.  I miss the classroom environment, the analysis, the thinking, and productivity.  I feel like I picked up on the lecture right away, although I didn't do the reading.

In the Criminal Law course, a question was posed by the professor that was a real brain tease.  It was set up by this scenario.  People claim that all lives are equally valuable in the eyes of the law.  Murder is a violent crime that is punishable by law.  However, in an instance of self-defense, if, in the act of defending oneself, or another, and a murder should occur, it would not be a crime.  It makes sense right?  Here is the twist.  If it is okay to kill a man who is attacking you, then his life must not be as valuable as someone who is not attacking you.  I never saw it in that way.  I always thought that self-defense was simply a natural reaction in order for one to survive.  Yet, even in the eyes of the law, where murder is a crime, murder for the sake of self defense is not. 

We're in high gear in Sinag-Tala and things are looking good. Not great, mind you, but good. There is still a lot of room for improvement, but we've also come a long way.
I've been working on the program for the show, and it's a real treat. All that experience in yearbook with desktop publishing is coming back to me. It's exciting and new, and hopefully, it will be an impressive product when it’s done.

During one of the rehearsals, Jannae, one of the cast members, came up to me and asked, "Are those your real eyes?" It was quite a flattering statement. I've always been secretly proud of my eyes. However, they have been obscured by the fact that I usually wear corrective lenses. Jannae mentioned that I have "Mexican eyes," which doesn't really tell me anything because I think everyone has their own “indivisual eyes.”

I’ve also developed a “popcorn love,” “puppy love,” “crush,” or “whatever you want to call it love” for someone in the cast, and I keep on talking myself out of doing anything. I don’t want to put a name out there in an attempt to not blow my cover. I’m trying to be cool, but I constantly catch myself, glancing her way, and just talk to her in general. Yet I talk to her about trivial stuff. Haha. Oh well. Such is the life of Bobby G. Roy. I tell myself that I fear regret more than rejection, yet, when it comes to matters of the heart, I falter. I guess my esteem is not as high as I believe. I shelled out some money for Kings tickets though, and I plan to ask her to go. We’ll see.

I wrote another article for the Philippine Fiesta newspaper. It was a challenge to everybody to appreciate one another and express their love and appreciation of each other. I used my relationship with my mom as an example. A few people have gotten back to me and told me that the article was touching or made them cry. I know when I read it in the paper, I cried. Lorraine said that it gets easier. It has gotten easier, but it’s still hard.
Some holidays are coming up and well, they are still hard for me. Everybody has their family to go to and celebrate with, and I, to put it simply, don’t. This part of life, the brotherhood cannot replace. It’s preposterous to ask that of them either. They have their own lives. I am happy that they have their family though. I wouldn’t wish any of what I went or go through on anybody else.

Chi, moved down to San Diego with his fiancée, Charlene. He’s going to be the first Zeta Chapter brother to get married. They are getting married in April 2005. If anyone wants to go, let me know. I still need a date! It’s a ways away, but believe me, I’m thinking about it.