November 10, 2003

  • Today, I woke up at 0700 hrs to my uncle and my lola fighting.  Same old shit, but different day of the week right?  Well here's the twist.  I got up and I hear my uncle saying "I'm going to hurt you" in Ilocano.  My lola yells my name in fear, and I see that my uncle is standing over my lola, holding her wrists as she is sitting down on the end of the couch.


    I run over and blindside the son-of-a-bitch, turning him around and knocking him down so that he is on the couch.  I pin him down and just start wailing on him, continually yelling, "DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN!  YOU WILL NEVER HURT LOLA!"  He got a couple of shots at me, but for the most part, he had no leverage to put anything behind him.  When I finally do stop, he's yelling at the both of us, saying he's gonna sue me or some bullshit like that.


    That's his mom.  That is his biological mom.  How in the world could that happen?  In Ilocano, she kept on saying, "How come you would hurt your mom?  You would not be here if it weren't for me!"  He responded, "You didn't take care of me since I turned seven."  They think I don't understand.  For the most part though, I do.


    It tears me apart.  I don't know how my mom kept this family together.  Somehow, she did.  I'm sure it weighed on her immensely.  Imagine the weight on her shoulders.  I think all the stress contributed to her condition.  It's just not possible for me to give up either.  She never did.  Maybe it killed her.  Blood is thicker than water.  Is that true?  Can you always count on family more than friends?  I'm so confused.


    It's a dream right?