January 30, 2004
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Walls had another review in the Sacramento News and Review, a local independent free distribution paper. We got a 3 out of 5 in there, although the comments were less specific regarding the show. Then, the full back page of The Philippine Fiesta was an interview with Ms. Angela-Dee Alforque, our director for the show. I learned quite a bit from that article myself, especially regarding her motivations for directing this play in particular.
I was a half beat off for about three-fourths of the performance yesterday. It was totally my own fault, because I wasn’t focused enough. Just plain weird. I want to rock the house every show, but for some reason, I couldn’t focus yesterday, until it was really late into the show. It was quite frustrating. When I found myself though, I think I redeemed most of my performance.
Tell me something. Why is it that when I talk to someone on the phone, I get all flustered and can’t articulate what I am thinking or feeling? This is a similar thing that happens to me when I am talking to someone I am attracted to in person. I must have had a traumatic incident with the phone when I was younger that I have since blocked out of my mind. Which reminds me. I still want to see “Butterfly Effect.”
What obstacles do you find when trying to become a close friend to someone of the other sex? I’ve never read the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, but that saying leads me in the direction to say that men and women will never really understand each other. They may tolerate, and co-exist together, but they won’t quite ever get on the same wavelength. Hence, relationships will always be riddled with drama, and the obstacles will keep on coming.
That’s kind of an extreme position to take. I know for myself, the one biggest obstacle I have comes in the realm of deciding that I deserve it. That’s why I walk around with all these self-affirmations and trying to boost my resolve. It’s still somewhat unnatural for me, but my hope is that eventually those self-affirmations become a part of me, and I don’t have to consciously validate my feelings. It’s all a confidence thing. I often worry about not being interesting and not being able to relate. That’s where I’m just being ridiculous. Everyone has something interesting to say or do. I haven’t met one person yet that didn’t. When I do, then I’ll change my position. Maybe.
We had a question and answer session with the audience yesterday after the show, and there were some very interesting questions brought up, in particular in relation to the current war in Iraq. So as I’m looking at various headlines, I see one regarding a $401.7 billion budget request that President Bush is going to send to Congress for the Pentagon. Now that amount is unbelievable. We’re talking billion. Let’s put things in perspective. 1 million seconds is about 11.58 days. 1 billion seconds is about 31.71 years. That’s a lot of money he’s putting into the Pentagon, which I wouldn’t think would be ridiculous to assume that it will be for the war. I dunno. It’s just scary to think of how many lives will be lost in this thing. Also, there are 290 million people in the United States. If we split that up among its citizens we would have $13,831.03. I could use that. That would be nice wouldn’t it. Seems to me, that we aren’t that important in the eyes of these budget analysts. Would America be here if it weren’t for us?
