Going to MOVE today, and gonna hit up Chaez's party afterwards.  Should be good fun, a reward from doing to well at work this week.

I take back my brief analysis of "The Little Coochie Snorcher That Could," from The Vagina Monologues.  In it, I said that the monologue was endorsing male-bashing.  However, that I would have to retract that statement.  First of all, all the monologues were based on anecdotes, and are not trying to make broad commentaries through them.  It would be easy for one to take them in such a way, but really the commentary is made throught the monologues as a collection, not solely in each piece.  In any case, I recommend you either watch a performance or check out the book for yourself.

It was soul food day at the office today, and I had some good food.  There was so much, my eyes ended up being hungrier than my stomach.  You name it I had it.  From grits to greens, cornbread to sweet potato pie, I was not let down one bit.

On another note, while at the gas station, I was asked if I was on TV.  The two men said that it was some show that plays tricks on people.  One of the men told me the name of the show, but I forgot.  I politely told the two gentlemen, "No" and left.

The "With Love" album I picked up at "Mahalaya" is quite good.  There are a variety of different sounds on it, and aside from the catchy beats, the message of love permeates.  There are original songs, some covers, and all are done with passion and conviction.  I definitely recommend it.

I spoke to Lori today, and I'm pleased to say that we're going to go to the formal together.  It should be really fun.  She even said that she already thought about what she was going to wear.  It's impressive to me just because I haven't even talked to her about it since I asked her.  I'm happy thinking that she might be as into the event as I am.

I myself enjoy getting into a nice outfit for a formal type event.  I like the feel of a nice suit or a tux, and just looking good.  I've worn barongs to formals, a zoot suit, and a tuxedo, and I've found and feel that it is difficult to look bad in formal wear.  Lori mentioned that she wanted to go because she hadn't gone to a formal in a long time.  I've frequently heard that women like to go to events like formals.  Me being a guy, I, more likely than not, wouldn't know.  What's your take on it?

I went to a forum yesterday at UC Davis, entitled "What Does it Mean to be Filipino in Davis?"  There were quite a few people there, and I saw many friends that I haven't talked to in months.

In the forum, there were a few presenters who related their story as Filipinos and Filipino Americans in Davis, and then posed a question for the audience to expound upon.

The first presenter was Theresa Montemayor, a faculty member, and alumnus of UC Davis.  She compared life on campus to a recipe for adobo, and how we have a certain flavor, but are constantly changing our recipe, and adapting it to fit our needs as our environment changes.  It was a strong symbol and one that many in the room obviously related to.  When it came to answering the question of how we adjust our own recipe to adapt, however, the audience chimed in with the consistent message that to be an American, one had to speak English and cover-up, or hide their ethnic heritage, very reticent of the melting pot rhetoric of many sociologists.

The second presenter was Jay Delacruz, who talked about his personal experience within the Filipino American community in Davis, how he at first was hesitant to becoming involved, eventually was invited in, and now has held and still holds numerous positions within different organizations on campus.  The audience responded with poignant tales of finding the Fil Am community as being too "clique-y" and not feeling welcomed.  One anecdote, of Ms. Jessica Morco was quite revealing and pointed.  The question of "What is the Fil Am?" was answered in a menagerie of ways, including the age-old answer, "Only we can define it for ourselves."

The third presenter tandem was Armael Malinis and Ruby Veridiano, who asked us what we knew by asking about specific events or occurences we knew about.  Overwhelmingly, the whole room had heard of the exploits of Kobe Bryant and Janet Jackson, but much fewer hands were raised to demonstrate that they knew about the 1904 World's Fair, airport screeners issues, and Larry Itliong.  Instead of answering the question of why this was the case, the audience went into a dialogue of different ideals and wants for the larger Filipino American community, and voiced pledges on fixing themselves as individuals first.

Overall, I couldn't say that it was an eye-opening experience.  I had heard most of these things before in a dialogue held a couple of years ago.  However, I was able to put a finger on a few problems within the community that still exist today as they had during the past few years, that appear to actually have gotten more out of hand.

One large issue was the clique issue.  Cliques are a sign of cooperation and camaraderie.  A group's working effectiveness is proportional to the strength of their relationships with each other.  However, a group whose boundaries are too closed and do not allow people to enter and exit comfortably ends up alienating possible allies.  This exclusiveness and elitism has definitely driven many an interested newcomer away.

Coalitions are not built any more.  People do not band together for common issues.  Everyone does their own thing.  That's okay.  However, by settling for that, the community hampers its own growth.  When students realize that they need each other, that's when they will really progress.  We could all take a lesson from those who were active in the civil rights movement.  It was a differnt time and a different place, but with a little tweaking, we can make change like that.

The presentation went okay.  There's definitely a lot of room for improvement.  Armael carried me through the whole thing.  He has a way with his tone and posture that emotes very well.  I could pick up a few things from him.

Do you really believe that everyone is created equal?  It just seems like those people with talent are overflowing with it.  Say, for example, we take Michael Jordan.  He is an icon and arguably one of the greatest basketball players of all time.  Physically, he is a specimen.  Mentally, he is sharp, some evidence being his BA in accounting.  Emotionally, he is as tough as nails.  He has business savvy.  He's marketable.  I don't know if he sings well, but I'm sure he could pay for voice lessons.

Everyone has their special trait, feature, skill, and an intrinsic value.  I'm just jealous I guess.  I haven't really figured what mine is yet.  That saying "jack of all trades master of none" applies so well to me.  Even then, I'm not sure if I'm a jack of all trades.  Maybe a jack of some trades.

I know what I enjoy.  I enjoy talking to people.  Like last night, I had a grand time talking to the PYC youth, and then to their advisor, and of course Armael.  It seems odd, since I had stated just yesterday that I don't hold conversations well.  Yesterday though, we were talking about notions of eqaulity, social justice, history, among other topics.  Mostly opinion driven I guess.

That's what I'm missing right now though.  I don't really have that no-holds-barred-I-can-talk-to-you-about-anything person.  At least not without my own reservations of wasting their time or boring them.  Even on here, I don't get much feedback.  I write about some personal going ons, and well, it's because I have nothing to hide.

I grew up with a family that tried to hide things.  My family told me my biological dad was dead up until I applied for college.  I felt betrayed.  I felt lied to, I felt like I couldn't trust anyone...including my own mom.  I keep it real.  My emotions drive me, and sometimes I can run off of impulse.  Of course, I don't want to risk anyone's life or anything, so there are limits to my chaos.

Ah, maybe I just think too much.  I woke up today and I smiled.  I couldn't get it off my face.  Maybe it was the music that I woke up to on my alarm clock.  I was tickled by my changing of every song lyric that includes "love" to "Bob" and "baby" to "Bobby".  Try it some time.

I am assisting with a veterano presentation today on the behalf of Student Action for Veterans Equity (SAVE).  I haven't done one of these in a long while, and I'm quite nervous.  Like I said though, I'm assisting, and the main presenter is Armael Malinis, a fellow alumnus of UC Davis.  We're doing the educational at Filipino American Social Services (FASS) in Vallejo, for the Pilipino Youth Coalition of Vallejo, who are organizing a fundraiser showcase, where the proceeds will go to SAVE and its lobbying endeavors.

The showcase is called MOVE: Making Our Veterans Equal.  I like the title, and it's very direct.  Hopefully, with the educational, the organizers will have a larger appreciation for what they are doing and also have a greater sense of urgency.

Talks like these scare me to death.  We are born with two fears - the fear of falling and the fear of loud sounds.  All others are learned.  I wonder where I learned to be afraid of public speaking.  Maybe it was when I would stand by our brick fireplace, and give speeches in baby talk, and my uncle would come by and spank me for being near the fireplace.  Maybe it was when I was about seven and I tried to tell the family a joke on one road trip, and I the response was dead silence.  Maybe it was just exposure to all the sources of the phrase, "I'm afraid of public speaking."  Maybe it stems from how I have a difficult time maintaining even personal conversations.  Maybe it is all of it.

I don't think I'm good at maintaining personal conversations because I never really did it.  Growing up an only child, with only a few friends, I really didn't learn to converse.  I talked to myself a lot, giving myself silent affirmations.    Outwardly, I stayed silent, listening, absorbing.  Inside, I took all that I absorbed and tried to see how I could apply it.  One person called me pensive, which is like being lost in thought.  I'm not sure if it's the most appropriate term though.  Well maybe it is.  I daydream a lot too.  Even in there, I could say I'm thinking, since my mind is working.  I can't stop thinking.

It's also a struggle to stay positive.  The world can be so negative sometimes.  I try to be strong for myself, but when I start to falter, I go to friends, since I don't have too much family that I can lean on.  Luckily, the brothers are there too.  I hate to be a burden though on them.  Everyone has something that they have to deal with.  The Bible tells us to leave it to God.  It goes right along with that whole Bahala na tradition.

Yet, like a diamond, each and every incident and event is so wonderfully multi-faceted, with it's positive sides and its negative sides.  I hope I am a positive person, and that I empower others to be positive as well.  You really aren't very useful if you aren't positive.  The world would be a much better place if we all just smiled at one another more often.  Myself included.

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!

So after a stretch of what seemed like forever going not so well for me, that flow of water, that silver lining, that candle in the dark, that I've been waiting for, and looking for, is here.  It took an acquaintance to help me realize that the upside has been there the whole time.  It wasn't in her words, but rather in her spirit that raised my spirits.  It's hard to explain.

Thursday was ImaginAsian, a showcase put on by Davis' own Chi Delta Theta, who we have always been supportive of and supported by.  The proceeds of the event were donated to a Domestic Violence Center.  I received some stage time, which I used to plug the Mahalaya event an the bros.  I also saw my eXplorasian coemcee, Michelle, and a few of the Chi Delt alumni.  We picked up right where we left off.  It's always a good feeling to be able to do that.  Good times, good fun.

Friday was Mahalaya, which was a smashing success.  The venue was packed.  The only issue that was keeping more people from coming in was fire code!  Highlights of the evening were seeing a bunch of people and catching up with them, seeing some awesome artwork, nice fashion, great looking models and outstanding performers, in particular and in no particular order Steve Nader, Like Minds, Verse+++, Leejay and Lori, Fatima, and most definitely Immij!  Picked up the "With Love" compilation, which is outstanding.  Definitely Bobby approved.  Christina Luna, their manager, and whom I had a chance to speak with before, in preparation for the PYC MOKA retreat, was there, and I had a chance to talk to her about the Asian American Music Conference, and workshop ideas that she had.  Last time we talked I couldn't help but mention to her about a crush I had on someone she knows.  She didn't fail to bring it up again.  Hilarious.  Cupid's on crack and is at it again. 

I also spoke with some of the Immij members, and it was Lyn that brought my spirits up.  It was weird.  She mentioned that she was in Delta Omicron Chi, and that she knew a few of the brothers, and I just felt better talking to her.  I guess her circle of friends intersecting with my circle of brothers felt good.  Part of me wanted to jump up and down and say, "That's totally fresh!"  I guess you see that sort of thing on TV when people mention that they know the same people and say "Oh my gosh, I know them too!!!" and giddily jump around.  Life is a little more reserved though, so I refrained.  Oftentimes, we find exactly what we are looking for.  If we look for the negative, we'll find it.  Fortunately though, if we look for the positive things, we'll find them too. 

Today, was a birthday dinner for Conrad and Cary at the Old Spaghetti Factory in downtown Sacramento.  The building that is now a restaurant used to be a train station.  It has a really nice ambience.  If anybody is looking for a somewhat romantic dinner spot, add it to your list.  I did. 

Now, the monster of insomnia has me, and I'm posting stuff everywhere.  Life is good though.  I don't want to waste it sleeping.  I don't want to miss a thing.

Tonight's festivities include "ImaginAsian", a showcase put on by the sisters of Chi Delta Theta of UC Davis.  I'm looking forward to it, especially since some of the brothers are performing.  It'll be good to also seem some of the ladies, as I haven't seen most of them in a while.  It's the big events that end up being like mini-reunions, and a lot of catching up happens.

It's funny how so many of us like to live in the past.  In catching up, we perform a sort of time travel, and go back to previous times, sometimes better, sometimes worse.  It's an escape from the reality that each day we live is the equivalent to another day closer we get to dying.  The way society views dying, it also means an escape from the finality of life.

To me, death is introduction to new, everlasting life.  Faith teaches me that.  Science does as well.  "For God so loved that world, He sent His only begotten son, so that whoever believes in Him shall have everlasting life."  Science has proven that powers, energies, can set of physical sensors.  I believe these energies are of the spiritual realm.  Sometimes they manifest themselves in physical beings or objects, other times they remain ethereal and untangible. 

Fifty-eight years ago, on February 18, Congress passed the Rescission Act of 1946, stripping thousands of Filipino World War II veterans of their status as American soldiers, and the benefits that come with that service.  Today, we still fight to right that injustice.  It's ridiculous that we have to do this.  Some of us do it alongside veterans that we know, or on behalf of veterans we know, but are too weak to continue the fight, or on behalf of veterans we knew, but have passed away.  There is this website up, http://www.fullequitynow.com which we hope will aid us in our struggle.  I hope you will take the time to check the website out, learn about the issue, and write something to your Congressperson to urge them to fix this horrible inequity.

Amazing how everyone gets sick the day after a long weekend.  I made it in to work, and now I have to cover for everyone that is out.  This is after I couldn't sleep a wink last night for some reason or another.  I saw some special edition of Nightline, where Diana Sawyer interviewed Mel Gibson, who directed "The Passion of the Christ".  I didn't know there was so much controversy about the movie.  Accusations have been made that Mel Gibson is anti-Semitic, to which he had a very good answer.  He said something to the effect of "To be anti-Semitic would be un-Christian."  I've been wanting to watch the movie, and everyone on the show made the comment that the movie is violent.  It has an R rating, and Gibson himself said that he wanted the audience to be shocked by the ultimate sacrifice made by Jesus Christ.  I guess the Pope even has been sitting on the fence regarding the movie, as the Vatican made a statement regarding the movie and then retracted it.  The statement was something like, "It is as it was."  Seems interesting.  Well, I can't knock it before I see it, so I'm going to watch it before I pass any judgement.