February 23, 2004

  • I am assisting with a veterano presentation today on the behalf of Student Action for Veterans Equity (SAVE).  I haven't done one of these in a long while, and I'm quite nervous.  Like I said though, I'm assisting, and the main presenter is Armael Malinis, a fellow alumnus of UC Davis.  We're doing the educational at Filipino American Social Services (FASS) in Vallejo, for the Pilipino Youth Coalition of Vallejo, who are organizing a fundraiser showcase, where the proceeds will go to SAVE and its lobbying endeavors.


    The showcase is called MOVE: Making Our Veterans Equal.  I like the title, and it's very direct.  Hopefully, with the educational, the organizers will have a larger appreciation for what they are doing and also have a greater sense of urgency.


    Talks like these scare me to death.  We are born with two fears - the fear of falling and the fear of loud sounds.  All others are learned.  I wonder where I learned to be afraid of public speaking.  Maybe it was when I would stand by our brick fireplace, and give speeches in baby talk, and my uncle would come by and spank me for being near the fireplace.  Maybe it was when I was about seven and I tried to tell the family a joke on one road trip, and I the response was dead silence.  Maybe it was just exposure to all the sources of the phrase, "I'm afraid of public speaking."  Maybe it stems from how I have a difficult time maintaining even personal conversations.  Maybe it is all of it.


    I don't think I'm good at maintaining personal conversations because I never really did it.  Growing up an only child, with only a few friends, I really didn't learn to converse.  I talked to myself a lot, giving myself silent affirmations.    Outwardly, I stayed silent, listening, absorbing.  Inside, I took all that I absorbed and tried to see how I could apply it.  One person called me pensive, which is like being lost in thought.  I'm not sure if it's the most appropriate term though.  Well maybe it is.  I daydream a lot too.  Even in there, I could say I'm thinking, since my mind is working.  I can't stop thinking.


    It's also a struggle to stay positive.  The world can be so negative sometimes.  I try to be strong for myself, but when I start to falter, I go to friends, since I don't have too much family that I can lean on.  Luckily, the brothers are there too.  I hate to be a burden though on them.  Everyone has something that they have to deal with.  The Bible tells us to leave it to God.  It goes right along with that whole Bahala na tradition.


    Yet, like a diamond, each and every incident and event is so wonderfully multi-faceted, with it's positive sides and its negative sides.  I hope I am a positive person, and that I empower others to be positive as well.  You really aren't very useful if you aren't positive.  The world would be a much better place if we all just smiled at one another more often.  Myself included.