It's another holiday to celebrate presidents.  In a time that our president has our country involved in a war where we have already captured the leader and killed all of his children, I don't know what we're celebrating.  Let's celebrate when we can bring our military forces back safe and sound.

I found out that one of the participants in Amber and my pamilyas at the Pilipino Youth Coalition Retreat just won the wrestling state championship.  I am proud to know him.

You ever notice that some people say, "I am proud of so-and-so."?  I don't like to say that.  For one thing, I realized that it connotes a sense of superiority for the person saying it, whether they realize it or not.  It's arguable to say that a parent has the right to say, "I am proud of..." to their children.  Or a coach to his/her players.  I'd rather say, just as I did, "I am proud to..."  Just something that I thought about.

Also, there is this new reality show on Fox called "The Littlest Groom."  The groom on there this season is 4 foot 5.  As a gentleman at a height of 5 foot myself, I'd like to get on that show.  I think I have a shot.  I'm funny, entertaining, and I'd definitely have ideas that, if implemented, would make people talk.  I'd bring down the house.

Back in the 1930's there were many anti-miscegenation laws that did not allow Filipinos to marry white women.  It was all part of the blatant racism inherent in the era.  Racists said that Filipinos were sexual predators, and used the fact that they dressed nicely and owned nice cars as evidence of their reputation.  They didn't talk about how most Filipinos worked in the fields and saved for months and months to buy suits.  It was never talked about how many men would pool their money together to buy one car, which they would only drive on scheduled days or sometimes hours of the week.

I think that people were threatened by Filipino grace.  Look, we even hold the kissing record of the world.  Yes, yesterday, in Manila, 5,122 couples gathered to engage in a 10-second long kiss and break the kissing record.

We've made the news again.  This time it was an expression of love.  Let's hope the world over will follow suit.

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone!  My wish is for everyone today and everyday to show love and appreciation to all the people who love them.

Life,

Why are you being a bummer?  You're totally trying to salt my game.  What do you expect?  Do you expect me to get down on my hands and knees and beg for mercy?  You know for a fact that I won't do that.  I've been down before, and I've managed to survive.  It's an addiction.  I'm addicted to the idea that everyone can be happy, including myself...especially myself.  It's better for me to live life than for life to live me.  You don't have the best of me.  One day, you may be able to break down my spirit, my hope, my dreams.  I won't go down without a fight though.  You'll have to kill me to make me stop fighting.  Whatever you send my way, I'm going to go with it.  It's what I do best. 

I'm going to flip the script on you, and you won't even know it's coming.  Maybe it'll be sudden.  Or it might be really gradual.  I may do it soon, or I may do it later.  You don't know.  See, I have the upper hand.  I know my plans, and I know what I have to do. 

Plus, I've got all my friends behind me.  My family is behind me.  Even my deceased mom, I know that she's behind me.  I've got all my generations and generations of family, and learning, and growing to back me up.  God's behind me too, and there's nothing you can do about that.

So be prepared.  Be very prepared.  Too bad you don't know what to prepare for.

Sincerely,

Bobby G. Roy

Wow, I never thought of it, but there is one monologue in "The Vagina Monologues" where one of the women is raped by another woman.  In it, the woman says that she'll never need a man again.  If you really think about it, rape is rape, no matter who does it.  Interesting how often we as people, when we argue for a side, end up no better than the people that we are trying to change.

I'm going to have to look at that monologue a little more closely.

I got to sit down and eat dinner with lola again.  Talked a little bit.  She's a tattle tale.  My uncle is a tattle tale.  They tell me things to get me mad at either one of them.  It's just all frustrating to me.

I gained a little insight into my manager yesterday at work.  It adjusted my view of her a little bit.  I still think she is pretentions and pontificates a lot, but she said she always looks for people to give suggestions on making things more efficient.  In her words, "We've always done it that way is not a good enough reason to do something.  There has to be a more definitive reason why."  I like that.

I was able to watch a little bit of the phenomenon that is known as "American Idol" and part of their success is that they are giving "average" people the opportunity to become stars.  I put average in parentheses because the people on there are obviously better than average singers.  For example, I'd never go on that show. 

The other part of the show's success is that they are interactive with the viewing audience.  They let home viewers vote on who they think should advance to the next round.  That's interactive.  In a way, the contestants fates are in the viewer's hands.  I'd like to see the numbers of voters for American Idol voting compared to election voting.  It would probably be very interesting.

A lot of people are having thoughts for Valentine's Day or as some people call it, Single Awareness Day (SAD).  It seems narrow-minded to me to think that Valentine's Day is a more romantic day than any other day.  I get like this around Christmas too, where everyone is spreading the Christmas cheer.  That should be the case every day.  Maybe it's special because there are a lot of people celebrating it at the same time.  The thing is, anniversaries are special, and they are unique to each couple, aside for the rare exceptions where you know someone that has the same anniversary date.  Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to say that Valentine's Day shouldn't be special.  Every day is special.  Maybe I'm just thinking this way because I'm still single and still hoping that what Vangie said will come true about me and her.  That was seven years ago.  Oh well.

No response yet as far as formal.

Watching the news, I saw a report about students that were planning to stage a "Columbine-style" attack on Laguna High School.  The students accused were 15 years old.  Two students were arrested.  What in the world is going on?  This is a serious issue.  The reports say that the plan was racially motivated.  Even worse. 

Of course, one could argue that they didn't do anything.  They thought it.  Who hasn't thought of doing something illegal without carrying it out?  Is there a difference between thinking and doing?  There are some fine lines that are going on in this sort of situation.  To top it all off, the Columbine killers committed suicide.  They knew it was wrong.  They paid the ultimate consequence.  It's a crazy mixed up world.

Shut up!  Stop the negativity!  Turn it around.  Bobby, you've got to make a conscious, concerted effort to be positive.

I am an achiever.  At least I think I am.  I like to accomplish goals.  I set a lot goals for myself, and I work toward most of them quite diligently.  Some of them I have given up on, and some of them I never even started.  They were just ideas, and that's it.  That's when I'm lying to myself and pretending that I want to be something.  Actions do the real talking.  One can always tell what a person is really serious about if you look at their actions.  If they say they want to lose weight, but they go out and eat fast food, they don't really want to lose weight.  They are just pretending that they do.  I pretend too much.

Saw "Barbershop 2" and it was really funny.  Parts of it sort of dragged, but only to lead into more entertaining parts.  Cedric is really good in the movie.  I really liked how it was an introduction of issues of urban sprawl, gentrification, and big business vs. small business.

Pilipino Youth Coalition meeting went smoothly, although it started late.  Most of it was kick-it time, but the Filipino Fiesta 2004 Kick-Off: Mahalaya sounds like it is going to go well.  Mahalaya means "love and freedom" and it is a fashion show, talent showcase, and dance going to be held at the Rizal Community Center on February 20, 2004 from 7:00 pm to 12:00 am.  After the meeting I was introduced to the wonderful show of Michael Moore, called "The Awful Truth."  Now that was a show made to make a statement.

I asked Floridette to the formal.  She couldn't respond yet, just said that she would get back to me.  As busy as she is, who knows what her final answer will be.  I think I can have fun with her though.  My last few formals weren't all that.  Trying to turn that around again, so I'll keep my fingers crossed.

"I am woman hear me roar."

Saw The Vagina Monologues last night and it was really great.  The monologues are so very well written, and are raw and revealing.  One of my favorite monologues was "My Vagina is Angry."  I am now a Vagina Warrior. 

"Celebrate good times come on..."

Seven new brothers crossed over into the fraternity this morning.  It's always a great feeling when the brotherhood becomes stronger not just in quantity but in quality as well.

"Goodbye blue skies, here comes the rain..."

I knew that this was going to happen.  I hate being right all the time.

Life seemed like it was getting better.  Sinag-tala, "Walls," The Vagina Monologues.  Maybe I was lying to myself.  I was probably fooling myself.  Lying to myself I was.

"I cast all my cares upon You.  I lay all of my burdens, down at Your feet.  And anytime, that I don't know what to do, I cast all my cares upon You..."

I have no idea what to do.  My own personal philosophies tell me that I won't die until I have nothing left to offer the world.  That's why I expend all of my energies in the present.  I want to live life, not have life live me.  In a way, it's my way of getting it over with.

"Every day's a war to me."
"Well who's fault is that?"

I battle with would-be assassins to my dreams.  Criticism, arguing, negative mindsets, negative advice all come at me on a daily basis to try to break my spirit.  They try to choke my aspirations, to stamp out my life, to suffocate my being.  War is probably not the right term for it.  It's the only one that I can come up with though.

"It's so hard to say goodbye..."

My lola told me she wants to leave.  She wants to go to Guam.  I'm not her favorite grandson anymore.  She has a very good reason why that is, too.  I don't communicate with her effectively, since mom died.  She either doesn't hear me or doesn't understand what I'm saying beause I'm talking too fast.  I slow down and raise my voice and I'm yelling.  I'm barely around.  She came back from the Philippines on January 29, 2004.  She wants to leave now, on February 7, 2004.  That's barely ten days out.  I sat down with her last night and ate dinner with her.  That hasn't happened in a long time.  We dont' ahve large family dinners the way nuclear families are supposed to.  Maybe we'll be eating at the same time, but it won't be around the same dinner table, talking to each other.  We're constantly thinking, but hardly ever talking.  Blame it on the cultural gap, or the generation gap.  Blame it on me.

"I hold MYSELF in contempt!"

The damage is done.  I haven't been able to get my lola to reconsider.  Maybe, one day, she can look at me again and be proud of me.  We cried today.  I told her I'd do better, that I'd stay at home more, that I'd find a wife.  She told me that she was sorry.  Whenever we do talk, about her childhood, life in the Philippines, her two husbands, and about my mom, and uncle and aunt, I learn so much.  I appreciate so much.  Maybe I have given all that I can to her.  She is my world.  Maybe I have given all that I can to the world.