July 12, 2004

  • In an interesting chain of events, my uncle and I worked on my Prelude and it's up again.  We got the radiator in and the car started.  I spent about $200 bucks on the parts, including a new battery because mine went dead over the fourteen months that the Prelude was out of commission.


    It's not one of those newer model Preludes.  It's a 1990 Honda Prelude SI but I love this car.  I bought this car used with my own money back in 1997 and on my first day of owning it, picked up Vangie, and went to watch "Titanic."  Yes, the Lenoardo DiCaprio "Titanic."  It was the first car that I bought on my own.  To me, it was a sign that I was really growing up and taking care of business.  It was a symbol of my success, of my accomplishment.  A symbol of things to come.


    Life is different now.  I still have hope that I can make it, but like the Prelude, I broke down, particularly when my mom died.  A lot of people say, "That's expected."  It's almost four years now, and I know for a fact that I haven't reached my fullest potential...and it's frustrating. 


    See, like everyone else, I have to deal with the daily rigors of life and survival.  It's hard for me to make ends meet, especially when I have my lola to take into consideration and an uncle whose back I constantly have to watch over.  I know that other people have it tougher than me, and really, that keeps everything in perspective.  After all, I'm not like Jesus, whose future included paying for everyone's sins.  Now while I'm dealing with all this stupid stuff, I have neglected to really work on myself.  In a recent chat session with Chi, he mentioned that I had game, but I just wasn't playing, in a reference to my being single still and everyone around me seemingly getting married.


    I just feel behind, with no time left to finish.  There were some predictions made about my future.  My life line on my palm is short.  Some kind of family curse.  I am not overly superstitious, but at the same time, I haven't discounted the possibility of those superstitions to be true.  At this point, I hope they are not true.  Who knows?  I have eight months and nine days to beat the so-called odds.  So be it.


    I have to say though, a few things that I am very proud of include my work in the community.  When I go to Pilipino Youth Coalition meetings like the one I went to yesterday, I really enjoy seeing those students.  I may be twenty-five, but I still care about those students and want them to be able to engage in a activity that I didn't have.  They are so smart and talented, and well, it really amazes me.  Oh if I could only turn back the clock on myself.  Would I do anything differently?  Definitely.  Not because I regret anything I did, but I do think I could've made some better choices.


    At the meeting, we all took part in this game they called "Curiosity" where they start to talk about topics that they are wondering about.  It started with the veteranos, went into the Black Eyed Peas and whether or not pop music could have messages the way underground music can, to the war on terror, the movie Fahrenheit 9/11, to other movies, and then to reality TV shows.  So I guess my mind is not the only one that jumps around.


    In any case, because I talk so much, and I have that reputation of preaching, I held my tongue on some things even though I wanted to comment.  But now I will unleash my thoughts from my pulpit.  I'm not a huge music fan.  I listen to whatever my companion is listening to.  I buy what friends recommend.  Since I have a wide variety of friends, with an even wider variety of taste in music, I've bought albums from practically every genre of music.  I trust their taste, and more often than not, I do like what they do.  So when it comes down to "Is underground different from pop?" and "When performers go from underground to pop the way Green Day and Black Eyed Peas allegedly did, are they selling out?" I have to say, no.  Any performer with longevity shows change in their music and act over time.  Not just if they are big or small or with a big label or not.  They evolve.  They change.  AND, they have bills to pay.  Sometimes, it is hard to stick to your craft and be the social commentor that you want to be.  For each person, that threshold is different.  I'm sure they don't like to be pre-judged, just like you don't like to be pre-judged.  That's just prejudiced altogether.


    Second, Krystle made the comment that there have been parallels between the war in Iraq (pronounced EE-rak) and the Vietnam war, also known as the Indo-Chinese war because it was much bigger than just Vietnam.  Well, everyone, check it out.  There was a tie made by Bernard Fall between the Indochinese war and the Philippine American war back in 1898- 1902.  Read an article by Luzviminda Francisco entitled "The First Vietnam" and you'll find out what I'm talking about.  I should've said this one, because I'm sure it would've been interesting.


    Lastly, as far as "The Swan," how come nobody goes on that show and asks for a more Filipino nose?  I'm talking a flatter nose that doesn't get so much in the way when you are making out!  It's sort of indicative of our idea of beauty.  Any guys ever get on that show?  Why not?  See this is another rant on what is hot or not.  I've decided that I'm beautiful.  I'm short, stocky, bald, and OH SO BEAUTIFUL!  Immij has a song like that.  Let that be an anthem of liberation from the bonds that entrap us within our selfish and misconceived notions of beauty.