July 22, 2004

• I have to take my lola in for a sigmascope or something like that.  It's related to the stomach pains she had a month or so ago.  Now that I've read up on it, I guess the procedure is done to look for cancer also.  In any case, I had one heck of a time explaining how to use an enema in Tagalog.  For some reason my class didn't cover that conversation.  So frustrating.  Lola had to go on a clear liquid diet for 24 hours, and so all she could eat was Jell-O.  Everything else had to be clear liquids.  As I was stirring the peach Jell-O, I became teary eyed.  I used to make Jell-O with my mom.  This was the first time I had made Jell-O since she passed.  It seems pretty silly that making Jell-O could get me all emotional.  After all, I'm the guy that was berated by my extended family for not crying at my mom's memorial and funeral services.  It's been almost four years, and to be completely honest with myself, I can't say that I'm okay.  I feel that my potential is yet to be fulfilled, and I'm really the only one to blame.  Ack, I sound like a broken record.

  • 2:39 pm
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