February 4, 2005

  • I finally heard it, and it felt so refreshing.  I'd only really fully accept the following phrase from one individual.  "I'm proud of you."  I've felt like I haven't accomplished anything.  "You've come a long way."  "Don't sell yourself short."  I've also felt really alone lately.  "You are not alone.  I ride with you all the time."  Then, when someone means it, some of the strongest words that one can say.  "I love you."  All I can say is, "Thanks mom.  I love you too."


    She also let me know that my lola is tired.  The funny thing is, I know that, and I think about her all the time.  I want to make life easier on her, allow her to be really happy.  I could do more.  I will do more.  I'll prepare, just as she told me to do. 


    Am I too nice?  Nice guys finish last.  I like to say I'm not nice.  I'm kind, considerate, loyal, honest, caring, and all these other wonderful things, but I'm not nice.  Three layers of positive aura.  Blue, yellow, and purple.


    Have I met the woman that I've always wanted?  Will I meet her one day?  Definitely an order that is hard to fill.  Long hair, clear, morena complexion, nice eyes, nice smile.  Blue pin stripes and looking around, as if at an airport.  I've always felt that if God didn't intend for me to find her, that's God's will, and I am not anyone of significance to go against that.  I believe that it's too naive to believe there aren't forces more powerful than humans in this humongous universe.


    I have a lot to think about after last night.  Thanks to the Deborja family for facilitating a great evening once again, and to the future Silva's for sharing their time with lil ole me.  It's good to remember your roots and where you came from: a monk, a geisha, a king.  It's also good to respect what you don't understand, like supernaturalism and mysticism, or, different cultures and backgrounds.  And as you learn more about them, you appreciate them that much more.