Starting on Memorial Day, May 30, 2005 and ending on June 12, 2005, the anniversary of Philippine independence from Spain, there is going to be a strong push to get more cosigners for the Veterans Equity Bills in the 109th Congress.  The California State Legislature has already signed Assembly Joint Resolution 2 (AJR 2), which memorializes the President and the Congress of the United States to immediately pay them the veteran's benefits as promised back in World War II.  The more we do now, the less we have to worry later.  This travesty must end now. 

There's an organizational and planning meeting for this leg of the campaign this Thursday in San Francisco.  If anyone wants more details on it, please let me know.

A couple friends of mine, Thea and Voltaire, tracked down my original tattoo artist, Aleks Figueroa.  He has an awesome website that I checked out, www.filipinotattoos.com and I found a picture of my tattoo when he put it on me!  You can see it here: http://www.filipinotattoos.com/alibata%20thumbs/pages/25.htm.  Oh the memories.

I thought really long and hard about this tattoo.  It stands for so many traits and characteristics on so many levels for me.  One of the more apparent things about it is the sun from the Philippine flag, and all the meanings of the sun on the flag.  The sun represents one united country, or for me, one united people.  The eight rays on the sun are said to be eight of the first provinces to have revolted against Spanish rule.  Hence, revolution.  The sun, typically seen as yellow, is to be light.  I had mine darkened in, to represent depth - of character, of spirit, of mystery.  The symbol of the ka, from the ancient Baybayin script of the Philippines, is a symbol used by the Katipunan, a revolutionary group that led the people of the Philippines against Spain.  "Ka," in and of itself, is an identifier, and used in many words like kaibigan, kagalangan, kapwa tao, etc.  All strong words that I believe have no true English equivalent, because of the depth of the meaning.  At the same time, the symbol also has an interpretation of symbolizing "the connection between heaven and earth."

I wanted my tattoo to have meaning.  It pains me to hear of people that were looking to get tattoos using certain languages or characters and find out that their tattoos is not even close.  Aleks has a good example on his website, of a guy that wanted "white tiger" on his arm, but got "placenta" in Chinese characters.  Or another guy I know that was put in the newspaper last year, who thought he was getting his mom's name in Japanese characters, but it ended up really being gibberish.

There is a more pervasive concept at work here as well - the commodification of Asian culture.  It's more of a key phrase that's been thrown around lately.  There are many examples out there.  Many of us are guilty of it, myself included.  It's one thing to participate within an Asian culture.  It's another to participate within an Asian culture and understand its roots, or at least to try to understand its roots.

I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of events.  It's unreasonable to believe that I can be at everything, especially with my limited transportation options.  The mistakes I made in the past are rearing their ugly heads.  I believe everyone ultimately gets what they deserve.  Maybe I deserve to miss out on these events.  I have to make some more changes in my life, to get myself more on track.

I take back what I said about my uncle being patient.  It was simply a coping mechanism.  He is full of these conspiracy theories.  Tonight he came home talking about how he picked a fight with our neighbors.  May I add that he's drunk?  He thinks they were the ones that broke into the car.  He has no evidence.  Of course, he's entitled to his opinions.  However, now he's making threats towards me.  Not physical ones, but ones in regards to helping me.  It makes me ask myself, "Who's helping who here?"  I'm pretty fed up with him.  I've been.  This whole importance of family is pretty debilitating for me.  It's hard for me to take advice that I myself have given to others.  What's good enough for the goose is good enough for the gander though.  My own fault there.  I allow myself to be handcuffed.  I acknowledge my own fault in the matter. 

I seem to go around in circles in regards to my beliefs, my mantras, and my sayings.  Please give me the strength to carry on.  I really need this XPO party coming up.  Empire Club at 1417 R Street, downtown Sacramento.  May 26, 2005.  9:00 PM.  You haven't partied if you haven't XPO partied.

Speaking of the instance of commodification of Asian culture. How bad is that? Here's what's good though. The money will go to Chi Rho Omicron doing other cultural events. Everyone is going to have a good time for themselves.

No matter what we teach kids, love is more important than any knowledge we give them.  So to all the parents that say that they are too tired at the end of the day to talk to their children about what's going on in their lives, the ones that buy their children everything because that's what they know as taking care of them, and who ask their children to get straight A's because a B isn't good enough, take heed.  Those actions may be more damaging than encouraging.  Of course, the same goes in the opposite direction.  Kids have to recognize the love that their parents have for them, and not immediately call it nagging or them not understanding.  All it takes is effective communication. 

The hits just keep on coming.

On my way out this morning, my uncle came back inside and told me that someone broke into the Civic and stole the stereo.  I went to go see what happened and the passenger window had been smashed.  A card was left on the windshield by the Sacramento Police Department saying they were there at 4:40 AM and had found the car broken into.  They tried knocking and ringing the doorbell but there was no answer.  I had heard knocking and a couple doorbell rings at 4:26 AM, and irritated to be woken up from my slumber, I had not answered the door.

My uncle demonstrated a patience that I had not seen from him before.  He said that it was good that they had not broken anything else, referring to the ignition and steering column, in an attempt to steal the whole car.  Maybe it was his way of coping.  I just hope that the insurance will cover most of the cost of replacing the stereo and replacing the window.

As I type this, there is currently a meeting about the latest budget update from the Governor's Office.  Very interesting stuff.  The analysis from our Fiscal and Administrative Services Division is that the budget is a slew of reallocation of funds, and ultimately, the budget is still leaving the state's schools underfunded.  I urge anyone and everyone to seriously write to the governor and the legislature to get this rectified.  Don't use form letters.  Don't use e-mails.  Write your own personal letter, and send it.  Or call.  Those are the best ways.  If you care about even one of the 7,000,000 children in public schools in California, I ask that you take action.  I can literally see the pressure and seriousness on each person's face.  I'm not actually in the meeting, but the door is open, and I can clearly feel the importance of the matter.  They are scheduled to be in the office until 6:00 PM.  Who does that on a Friday?  I hear about a lot of people getting out even at 4:00 PM on most Fridays.  This department truly cares about the students.  I'm very proud to be here. 

I came across an interesting article in the march 14, 2005 edition of Newsweek.  It is entitled, "Why Can't a Black Actress Play the Girlfriend?" by Allison Samuels.  If you get a chance, look it up.  The first line in the article says, "'I learned early on,' says a black actor whose well-known name he asked us not to use, 'to ask that my wife or girlfriend, if I have one in the film, be African American.  If I didn't, she wouldn't be.  I'm pretty sure Matt Damon and Tom Cruise don't have to ask for a white actress'"  Pretty damning, if you ask me.  Let's take the step further.  African Americans encapsulate a larger niche in the entertainment industry than do Asian Americans and Latino Americans.  Not that it makes it right.  It's just that once again, the Asian American community was overlooked in this article.  The "invisible minority" label strikes again.

Of course, there are individuals and groups that are working to fight that every day.  One event that comes to mind is Prime Image Media Group, who puts on the Asian American Music Conference.  There are also all of our talented folks out there, like Jessica Hagedorn, Bruce Lee, Lou Diamond Phillips, Immij, I Was Born With Two Tongues, and Touch, who I must include because they "paved the way for Filipino boy groups" according to one of my friends, and just all the folks that represent  or represented for us "invisible" folks.

I need some refocusing in my life right now.  My needs include going on a leadership tirade.  I usually turn to some motivational speakers, both paid and unpaid, to whom I have always looked up to, and who always seem to know just what to say to put you on the right path, with the right attitude.  It's basically being peer pressured into success.  Everyone's doing it.  Well, everyone should.  Rather than peer pressure to do something destructive, to themselves or to others, why not pressure their way to happiness, to something constructive.  Not too much pressure though.  Too much can be harmful as well.  Pressure through encouragement.  That's what the world needs.  Some positive pressure.  Maybe this is a start:

I Wish You Enough

Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last momentstogether at the airport.  The airline had announced the departure of the plane.  Standing near the secury gate, they hugged and the mother said, "I love you and wish you enough."

The daughter replied, "Mom, our life otgether has been more than enough.  Your love is all I ever needed.  I wish you enough too, Mom."  They kissed and the daughter left.

The mother walked over to the window where I was seated.  Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry.

I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

"Yes, I have," I replied.  "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?"

I am old and she lives so far away.  I have challenges ahead and the reality is that her next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

"When you were saying goodbye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.'  May I ask what that means?"

She began to smile.  "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations.  My parents used to say it to everyone."  She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail.  She smiled even more.  "When we said, 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them."  Then, turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final goodbye.

She then began to cry and walked away.  They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but than an entire life to forget them.  Take time to live.  I wish you enough.

I definitely wasn't expecting to say my forever goodbye to my mom as soon as I did.  In fact, it wasn't really a goodbye.  It was a, "See you later.  I love you."  You just never know.  Our time, and the time that we share with others, is priceless, and should be really used to strengthen and show our appreciation to one another.  It's a constant reminder that I use on myself.  it can't hurt.

Interestingly, a visitor to the Department today stopped in front of me and asked, "Are you who I think you are?"

Surprised, I didn't know how to answer.  "Were you in Pacific Overtures?" she continued.

Basically, a complete stranger recognized me outside of the show, which was quite flattering.  She continued saying that she and her son really enjoyed the show and asked how her son could take part in Inter-ACT.  It feels really good to hear positive feedback from friends and strangers alike. 

I hope everyone had a good Mother's Day weekend.  One of my friends was not able to make it back home and was feeling guilty.  I let him know that honoring your mother is not a Mother's Day thing, but an everyday thing and that he always honors his mother.  He definitely had nothing to feel guilty about.

This weekend was fun for me.  I was able to watch UC Davis' PCN.  It was really good, and the topic addressed such an important one of filial pressure and self-abuse, two very important and strong disempowering traits closely linked to our culture and value system that just do not quite fit within the American societal expectations and evaluation methods that we live within.  The theme and script was really strong as well as the actresses, who really contributed to bring the script to life.  The costumes were very nice as well. 

Of course, one can't conduct a complete analysis without pointing out some shortcomings.  Too many blackouts, the front half of the show was song-heavy, some of the costumes needed to be ironed, the lighting focused better, and a lack of use of the whole stage, especially the downstage area.  Some of the actors were weaker than their female counterparts, but were adequate in their performances.  At times the microphones went out, but all of those things can be taken care of with more stage time within the theater, which simply means more money to rent the theater longer.  I've seen only one PCN where the songs and dances were seamlessly integrated into the plot movement, although that's even rare within musicals.  One stage direction I received during a musical was that the song time was the exact moment where it doesn't have to fit seamlessly because the character may not be the type to really break out into song.  There are different schools of thought on that.

I heard once that the most common mistake of playwright is to write a screenplay for the stage.  I think that sort of happened here.  The short scenes are often based on the fact that cameras can cut away in shows.  In our society, more people watch a recorded show than a live action play.  It's definitely a craft to write a stage play. 

Regardless, the audience, including myself, really enjoyed the show, based on the raucous crowd and applause.  The difficulties did not take away from the message and the entertainment, which are the most important parts.  The cast apparently enjoyed themselves as well, and they seemed very close with an abundance of positive morale.

Watching the show really makes me want to go and take a theater class.  Or direct a show.  Dennis jokingly asked if I wanted to direct "Carry the Tiger to the Mountain."  At least I think he was joking.  I often can't tell with Dennis.  It's very different watching PCN versus being in PCN.  Oh to create the "ULTIMATE PCN." 

On my way back from PCN, my car broke down.  I was driving through West Sacramento and suddenly I felt like I hit a pothole and then lost all throttle.  I was able to get to the right shoulder, but then my power doors and windows wouldn't work.  My lights are radio worked though.  Hopefully, when I take the car in, the news won't be too horrible.  It was 1:30 AM, and I was able to reach Lucy to ask for a ride back home.  She's the best.  I owe her big time.  Maybe a new car is in order.  For her and for me. 

I'm missing something.  As Mother's Day approaches, it doesn't seem that many people are into it this year.  I wish I could spend Mother's Day with my mom and take her to dinner, and tell her of all the latest events going on in my life.  There are a few people out in the world that have lost one or more of their loved ones.  For each of us, we are missing something.  For those people that haven't lost a loved one, they are blessed.  Revel in that.  Find happiness in that.  Even those of us that have lost loved ones, we are blessed too, as soon as we realize what we have conquered in losing that loved one - the depression, the loneliness, the fear.

Life is not easy.  That's why we have to be as prepared as possible to overcome all of the pitfalls that come before us.  Being prepared means attracting and maintaining relationships with those people and resources that we can depend on to help us when we need it.  It's primarily common sense combined with deep analysis and thinking.  Maybe your mom is one of those people.  I urge everyone to tell whoever they consider their parents that they love them.  It's one of the strongest acts an individual can perform.