November 17, 2005

  • There's some thing or things that just are not right. I can't seem to put my finger on what they are, but I have been feeling very uneasy lately. Apparently it's expressing itself outwardly as well, because my coworkers and acquaintances are asking me if everything is alright, with concerned countenances.


    There are definitely circumstances that could be better - financially, professionally, emotionally, etc. However, there isn't really anything that I could singly pinpoint as a major source of stress or frustration. Maybe it's just the progression and culmination of years of pressure, mostly self-inflicted. I could be considered a masochist by some.


    What's your worst memory? It's still living and breathing, sort of eating away at you, from the inside out of your mind and body. It still has a negative impact on your health and everything you attempt to do. It will probably affect you your whole life. Maybe these are all remnants of a bad memory.


    Part of all this is that I'm tired of being late. I was always the late bloomer, failing multiple times before I could succeed. John Maxwell says to fail your way to success. That's very true. Abraham Lincoln lost multiple elections before he was elected President of the United States. I keep on hearing about people in their mid-twenties or younger that are at the top of their game, in their prime. Is where I am right now the pinnacle of my life? I guess that is ultimately up to me.


    Filipinos always seem to be late. Most say it is Filipino time. But is late really better than never? Another thing that most Filipinos believe in are ghosts and the supernatural. I realized that my fixation with the supernatural is probably rooted in me desire to not be forgotten when I die. If my spirit can live on, then I, in essence live on, resulting in the concept that I can still effect change and interact with others. Hence I will not be forgotten. Could this be the main reason why people believe in ghosts?