Tomorrow I get to speak at a high school. Mt. Diablo High School in Concord, CA, to be exact. I'm doing it for the fraternity but getting partial credit from work for the volunteering as well. The result is that I don't need to use my full vacation time but only half of the actual time. The other half I'll get credit for. It's pretty nice to be encouraged to serve at public schools without suffering any penalty as far as pay. Education is so important. I put it like this: If the Department of Education doesn't work, then the Department of Corrections does. The opposite is also true. It's not a scientific formula, but I think it gets a message across. I hope I don't make a complete fool of myself at the assembly. But then again, having a sense of humor may help me connect with the students. After all, I can't take myself too seriously.

On Friday, I was called an armchair activist. I didn't think it would bother me, but since it's still on my mind, it must bother me more than I think. How much validity is in that statement when it is applied to me? It shouldn't bother me, because people don't know me from nobody. I feel a lot more active than most regular citizens. Besides, who are they to judge? It's not my responsibility to live up to someone else's standard of anything. It reminds me of one quotation that I use - "Reputation is what others think of you and character is what God and angels know of you."

It's strange. Earlier in the day, I had received a comment from one of the folks I know about how much of an activist I was. Sure, she was playing me up, in my opinion. Of course, I do wish I could do more. I wouldn't be living up to my goal of being Superman if I didn't. However, I feel that my capacity is limited due to the time that I choose to devote to my lola during these vulnerable times. I do not apologize for that, because I feel that I am along the righteous path. I will not apologize that I would rather focus more on my own family than matters beyond it.

This line of thought leads me towards commenting on a recent development in the Philippines where President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo has declared a state of emergency. Many in the country are upset with her and have requested her resignation for some time. According to her administration, a coup plan resulted in the proclamation to declare the state of emergency. Here in America, people of Philippine descent and their allies rallied as well. The fear is that this event will lead to human rights violations and a declaration of Martial Law, both infamously correlated with the presidency of Ferdinand Marcos.

It's funny, because I often feel that I am caught between a rock and a hard place. If I, as a Filipino American, neglect to fight for my own values and rights, then they will be infringed upon. There is a lot here in America that needs to be worked on. Yet the rights that I am afforded by being in America put me in a particularly privileged position to also speak out for Filipinos in the Philippines that do not have those same privileges, for whatever social, political, or economical reasons. Is one more important than the other? No. Does it suck? Absolutely. Our energies are so divided between so many different issues and goals. There must be a better way. How, after multiple examples of such strong leadership from the Civil Rights era, have we lost that edge? Have we as a group grown too complacent? What would it take to rally the people?

In my opinion, it's all about leadership. John Maxwell says something to the effect of, "Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less." How many people one can influence is directly proportional to how much leadership potential they have. The signs of leadership can manifest themselves in a number of ways, and we have multiple terms to describe them. These may include effectiveness, economy, passion, or efficiency. Whatever one calls it, ultimately one needs followers, and to have followers is to have influence. I'm not sure if my logic is flawless in that argument, but it makes sense to me.

I saw a disturbing news report a couple of days ago about modern Ku Klux Klan (KKK) organizations. The news report talked about how these are closely aligned with Neo Nazi groups and share many of the same values. A reporter interviewed a young leader of the KKK. The leader said that he didn't believe that the Holocaust really happened and millions of Jews were not killed during that period of history. The reporter then asked, "Do you think I should leave?" which came as a hint to me that she must've been a minority, or at least, not of Aryan blood. He proceeded to answer with something to the effect of, "Yeah, you all should go back to your own home. Your people immigrated here. We immigrated here too, but we built this country..."

One-half of that statement is totally right. "Your people immigrated here. We immigrated too..." One-quarter of the statement is opinion and everyone is entitled to their own opinion. "Yeah, you all should go back to your own home." Totally fine. I do, however, have to mention that maybe the "your own home" he is referring to could be America in my head, while in his, it may mean anywhere else but America. So while we may agree semantically, we may not agree completely. However, that last statement couldn't be more wrong. "...but we built this country..." This country, being America, would not have had as prosperous beginnings nor present if not for the Native Americans, who helped the European settlers in surviving some of the rough environment. Also, the government had a model in the Iroquois Nation Government. Let's not even ignore the many Africans and African Americans and their contributions to society, particularly under the harsh conditions of slavery and racism. The same can be said of Mexicans and Mexican Americans, Chinese and Chinese Americans, Japanese and Japanese Americans, Filipinos and Filipino Americans, and...well you get the picture. Nobody built this country by themselves. Want evidence? I took several classes in Asian American Studies, Native American Studies, African American Studies, Chicano American Studies, and even Women's Studies. Give me some time and I can back up everything I said. It took years of conflict, cooperation, and mediation for this country to be what it is. It's not perfect. But it's mine, and I plan to make it better for my progeny, just as my ancestors did for me. At the same time, if I can help out other countries and help bring the whole world up, that would even be better.

Unfortunately, when I got home, I found my lola on the ground. She had fallen. That is the worst thing that I could have seen. I asked her if she was hurt and she said that she hit her head, but the back of her head against the ground. She must've fallen backwards. I asked how long ago she had fallen and she said that she had fallen about ten minutes before I had arrived home. That means I was about twenty-minutes too late. I feel so guilty for not being home. The thing is, I came straight from work. I've considered leaving work, but there's no way that I can make ends meet without working. Plus, this is the best paying job that I've ever had, and I do enjoy what I do, although it keeps me very busy. Tonight, I have to just leave my problems with God. I figure God is going to be up all night anyways.

The devastation from the mudslide in the Philippines is terribly horrific. From what I have read, only 57 survivors were found in the city of 1857. That's a little less more than .25% survival rate. I can't imagine being buried alive. In my opinion, that would be one of the worst ways to die. There isn't much to say to console the loved ones of the families. The images of the mass graves remind me of pictures and stories of the mass graves from Vietnam, World War II, and the Filipino American War.

Mudslides are typically a result of erosion, which is exacerbated by logging. It's funny that of all the logging in the Philippines, most of it is being done by multinational corporations that are not Philippine owned. Many people gain from this, while many others suffer. The difference is all in the people's resources and access. Do the people that gain realize that others will suffer? Maybe, but many people reason it out and justify it in their own way.

People say that death has a particular smell - an odd human perfume. Or a particular feeling. I would have to say it's both, and probably even more signs. We just have to be more attune to them. I'm trying to be attune to them in regards to my lola. When it came to my mom I wasn't so attune to the signs. Of course, what do you do at that point? I don't think that we can prevent it. It's an inevitability.

Even in preparing for my own death, I've already paid for a gravesite for myself, as well as bought a life insurance plan worth quite a handsome sum of money. Let's just say that I don't gross the face value of the plan even after eight years. Certainly, I'm overinsured, but it's easier to downgrade your plan than to upgrade it. I've had a will drafted, as well as written up a funeral notice for newspapers and distribution. Maybe it's morbid of me. However, I've been surrounded by death and its signs, and I've seen the devastation of not having your estate plans done. In fact, I'm going through it myself. As a result, I just want to be prepared.

Every five to seven years you need to break your model, and use a different aesthetic muscle. I think I'm about ready to change it up a little bit.

Last night a wheelchair and walker came in for lola to use. I do hope that she doesn't grow too dependent on them, because she is still strong. It's just that the one vertebrae in her back is still healing.

It's unfair of me to lump all of Western medicine together as being un-preventative. give me some time to think and I can think more clearly. However, I think it is fair for me to say that people of privilege generally are able to have better access to health care. It's not any one person's fault of course. It's society.

Society believes that everyone should have health care. Society believes that everyone should have an education. Yet both of these areas are horribly underfunded. Look at how often teachers and nurses here in California have had protests or other forms of civil disobedience.

I'm part of the problem as well. Maybe I don't speak out enough for the underprivileged, because I'm too engrossed in my own little life's drama. It's time to remind myself to think of the bigger picture. If we all can do that, I think the world would be much better off. Everyone just has to do their part. If everyone took the time to clean up their space, the world would be much cleaner.

Thursday afternoon, lola's doctor determined that her back pain is due to a compression fracture in her L3 vertebrae. Six weeks of recovery time is necessary, but the less active that she is, the more likely that she may develop blood clots in her legs. Yet it hurts, when she even sits up. I asked for a wheelchair and the doctor gave us a back brace and Vicodin. Lola is 4 foot 6 and 80 pounds and they gave her 500 mg Vicodin. Personally, I think it's too strong for her, as it puts her to sleep for the whole day. She has her days where she looks better than others. I take them one day at a time, and just hope that a few weeks from now, she'll be okay.

She was diagnosed with spinal stenosis a couple of years ago and the doctor mentioned osteoporosis this past appointment. All three of the injuries are contributive to each other, and what can help is Vitamin D and Calcium, neither of which was offered before.

Western medicine takes a strange approach to dealing with disease. Rather than being preventative, like suggesting taking Vitamin D and Calcium, it's more concerned with managing disease. I'm not happy with that. I think it's a contributing factor to America's lack of health. Sure, people are living longer, but are more people living better?

At the Grammys, Stevie Wonder presented an award with Alicia Keys. They tore it up with a nice performance of "Higher Ground." Stevie on more than one occasion said things like "Look at how beautiful she is," and "I've got to read this," both alluding to his blindness. It caused me to wonder, however, if he has a starkly different image of beauty because he hasn't been exposed to the constant barrage of pop culture "beauty." It's true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but some things remain consistent in people's description of beauty. How many times have women uttered the words, "tall, dark, and handsome"? Those are broad subjective words, but I don't think any adult would consider 5'3" tall. For Stevie, would he gain a truer sense of a person because he's not hindered or hung up on aesthetic beauty? People say that first impressions last. Stevie's first impression does not include an image. Rather it would be in your voice, your demeanor, and your words. Assuming that this is all true, I would say that Stevie Wonder has real vision - the majority of us just have sight.

Lola's not doing too well. I had to make a call last night to Auntie Marina in Guam - to tell her to just be prepared for the worst.

When I came home from work and checked on lola, she asked me, "Will you accompany me to the Philippines? Or will your uncle?"

"If I can go, I will go, but who will take care of you there?"

"There are many people there. Here, there is nobody."

That hurts.