I believe firmly in the existence of a Creator more than by faith, by reasonig and by necessity. Who is God? What human sounds, what syllables of language can enshrine the name of that Being whose works overwhelm the mind that thinks of them? Who can give God an adequate name when a little creature hereabouts with an ephemeral power has two or three names, three or four surnames and numerous titles and epithets? We call it God, but this only only recalls the Latin deus, the Greek Zeus at most. What is He? I would attribute to Him all the beautfiul and holy qualities that my mind can conceive in infinite degree, if the fear of my ignorance did not restrain me. Someone has said that each man forms his God according to his image and likeness, and if my memory does not fail me, Anacreon said that if a bull could imagine a god, he would imagine a horned bull bellowing in a superlative degree. Notwithstanding, I dare to beleive Him infinitely wise, powerful, good. My idea of the infinite is imperfect and confused on seeing His wonderful works, the order that prevails among them, their magnificense and overwhelming extent, and the goodness that shines in everything. The lucubrations of a poor worm, the last creature on the little ball of the earth, however crasy they may be, can never offend His inconceivale majesty. His thought humbles me, and makes me giddy. How many times my reason tries to raise my eyes towards that Being, and as many times it falls stunned, dazzled, crushed. I am overtaken by fear and I prefer to keep silent to being the bull of Anacreon.

The duty of modern man to my way of thinking is to work for the redemption of humanity, because once man is dignified there would be less unfortunate and more happy men that is possible in this life.

Important indeed are the duties that woman must fulfill in order to relieve the country of her sufferings, but they are not beyond the strength and character of the Filipino woman to perform. Everybody knows the power and the prudence of the women of the Philippines. Hence they blinded them, chained them, weakened their spirit, so sure are they that so long as the mother is a slave, all her children can be enslaved also.

Now the Filipino colony is getting to understand the advantages of unity; now we all know that iron is strong and air is compressible because the molecules of the latter have little cohesion while those of the other form a most compact mass, scarcely leaving any vacuum between them. I understand that in this situation, the prerogatives of individual liberty suffer, but fate wills it so. The molecules of the most solid and compact body are the most compressed, and the most powerful armies are the most disciplined. What does it matter to us to sacrifice part of our liberties if we lay them down on the altar of the mother country, if those particles that we give up are in the grains that are saved to be planted and later we reap an abundant harvest? Let us maintain firmly union and solidarity among us; let the good of the mother country be our only cause; and let us prove to everyone and let us make it clear, that if a Filipino wills, they can.

There is nothing that wins man more than the idea of justice, serene, without hatred or fury, as there is nothing like injustice to arouse his indignation.

The protests that are going on are amazing - not only for the sheer volume, but the intensity, the consistency, and the diversity of people that are taking part. Of course, the news keeps on saying it's only Latinos that are protesting. That's not entirely true, so I'll get to that later. Overall, I think the protests are working. Everyday news comes out about how the bill has been amended or debates are in progress. My hope though, is that there are also allies in Congress to help with the effort. That's when the most effort is made - when there are grassroots and political powers, powers on all levels in fact, to push the issue into the mainstream circles of society and get everyone talking about it. I for one am following it fairly closely. I almost have to because our Department has gotten a large influx of calls in regards to students leaving their classes and the schools losing their funding because their attendance will be down. It's true. The thing is, these students are hopefully making a conscious decision to stand up for what they believe in. One paper quoted a principal as saying that these actions are well within the students' constitutional rights, but they have to accept the disciplinary actions in regards to truancy and having to catch up on their school work. Again, it's another example of how my work is completely adrenaline based. Whatever the hot topic is, I deal with it. Right now, it's the California High School Exit Exam, Oakland Unified School District, and now these protests. It's a balancing act, but I do the best I can.

Going back to the diversity issue in the protests, I am aware of many Filipino groups also organizing against the bill. The reason is that Filipinos have the highest deportation rate among Asian populations. Isn't that crazy? We're thousands of miles away from the Philippines, but somehow Filipinos come here and become illegal immigrants. Isn't that just another sign that the problem is with the system?

I know my biggest problem with the new bill, as originally written, is that the illegal immigrants, who are doing what they can to stay afloat and contribute to this country as well as their own well-being, will be overly punished as will their employers. It's ironic though. The exploitation of these illegal immigrants is partially what keeps our agriculture industry lucrative for the owners and cheap for the consumers. Yet in terms of social justice, this is intolerable. Fair wages and equal treatment under the law. The issue is huge. That's why this comprehensive reform bill is even in the works. If you don't think that this will affect you, you are probably very wrong about that.

I read a blog today of a Filipino American artist by the name of Ronnie del Carmen. He is an animation storyboard and story artist that has worked on Finding Nemo and Batman: The Animated Series. He works for Pixar and probably was part of the influence in the scene where a bahay kubo appears in Nemo's fish tank. In any case, his most recent blog entry talked about his father, Rogelio del Carmen, passing away. It's very touching and a wonderful tribute. You can read it here - http://www.ronniedelcarmen.com/blog1/blog.html.

I may be a little sensitive to it because of the health of my lola. From a historical perspective, however, you can tie in Rogelio's life into the Filipino experience in America. Recruitment into the armed forces is such a large part of the Filipino American history. It makes it that much more aggravating when you analyze the situation of the Filipino World War II veterans. It still pains me to know that of the 62 allied countries of the United States, only soldiers from the Philippines were denied their military benefits. Let's go back and take a look at the protests. We need to get organized like that. We may not need marches, or rallies, but we need a united stand. I looked up some numbers. The United States Census of 2000 counted 2,364,815 Filipinos in the United States. The way I see it, we should have at least that many letters written to Congress to get the remaining veterans the proper recognition and benefits that they deserve. If we each had at least one non-Filipino friend also write a letter, we could even have twice as many. People have been seeking this for many years now, and it's taking way too long. "If you want to keep on getting what you're getting, keep on doing what you're doing." Maybe we need a change in strategy. Of course, coming up with a new strategy is a harder endeavor altogether. Wow, it sounds like I'm living up to that "armchair activist" criticism. I wonder though, would some people call Jose Rizal and armchair activist?

Let me continue along the political vain that I was going down earlier: There is a bill in the California senate. It is Senate Bill 1615 (SB 1615) The Ethnic Heritage Respect and Recognition Act. Here are some of the highlights of the bill:

- SB 1615 brings out-of-date ethnic and racial data collection practices of the state into conformity with current federal data standards. Specifically, the bill ensures that a state agency or entity:
-- Provide multiracial Californians with the option of selecting one or more ethnic or racial designations whenever that agency or entity collects ethnic or racial data.
-- Report the number or percentage of respondents who identify with multiple ethnic or racial designations
-- Report the number or percentage of respondents identifying with each ethnic or racial designation who also identify with another designation.

- SB 1615 also puts important safeguards into place:
-- To prevent any misreporting or manipulation of data collected from multiracial Californians that would reduce the number or percentage of respondents publicly reported by a state agency or entity to identify with an ethnic or racial designation.
-- To ensure that information currently reported is supplemented by more and better information, not replaced.
-- To guarantee continued robust civil rights monitoring and enforcement.

There is a need for the bill:
- Current data collection practices can be unfair and offensive to the rapidly increasing population of Californians who identify with more than one ethnicity or race.  Roughly 1 in 6 births overall in the state and 1 in 4 births to native-born mothers are multiracial/ethnic.  While many state agencies have taken the initiative to put in place measures to recognize this reality, many multiracial Californians are still forced to deny significant parts of their heritage and ethnic identity on state forms when they are required to select only one ethnic or racial designation.

- An entire set of populations is virtually invisible and its diverse set of needs is not being met. Current data collection practices not only create a false picture of the state's diversity but also set up a situation where accurate, reliable information is not available to doctors, teachers, service providers, and policymakers. For example, there is an increasing awareness in the healthcare community that intake forms requiring people to mark "only one race" can prevent doctors from providing culturally appropriate and medically
relevant information to their multiracial patients.

- Individual communities of color are systematically underreported. By forcing multiracial Californians to deny and hence not report part of their ethnic identity, current practices lead to a situation in which the true numbers for members of minorities and communities of color are underreported.

- Current state data collection practices are anachronistic and inconsistent with federal standards. Since 1997 when the federal government revised its "Standards for Maintaining, Collecting, and Presenting Federal Data on Race and Ethnicity," federal agencies have been required to ensure that multiracial individuals have the option of selecting one or more ethnic or racial designations on federal government forms requesting such data. With several key exceptions, many state agencies and entities have not caught up and are still employing outdated practices. This is unacceptable in the largest and most diverse state in the country.

- The status quo perpetuates the myth that almost everyone fits neatly into a single racial category when in fact an increasingly large percentage of California's population does not.

My passport came in, just when the Department of State website said that it would. I'm glad that it didn't take longer than they originally said. The fact that I had lost my passport from my trip in 2000 was already a huge inconvenience with respect to getting lola back home to the Philippines. My own fault, I know, but terribly inconvenient. I plan to take care of this one a lot better this time around.

I recall my last passport photo being much more flattering. Of course, that was more than six years ago. People often go through phases where they reconnect with people from their past, and compare those people to their former selves. Some people change for the better, some for the worse, and even some not at all. I sort of feel like I haven't changed. Not identity-wise or emotional-wise at least. I think I am the same as I was when my mom was really sick when I was seven. Sure, I know more now, but my attitudes haven't changed. My attitudes toward death, life, goals, and dreams. They haven't changed. I still believe that life is really a release from pain and an escape to paradise, that life is a learning experience through which we earn our place in death, that love is real and that chivalry is alive no matter how pessimistic some jaded, single people are, and that goals are dreams with deadlines. Well that's in a nutshell. It's a lot more complicated tha just that.

Physically, I guess I've changed. I've become fatter, although I'm not sure if I'm any less healthy. I've stayed bald but shaved my face. That alone probably makes me look younger than I did when I was 18 when I had my moustache growing, but I still look older than my age.

Of course, that's just my take on it. Maybe I'm totally wrong.

My thoughts tend to consume me. They are constantly evoking feelings and actions to work and work hard. I'm not sure where they were founded from, and wonder whether they are innate as a seed planted by God or nurtured from my mom and lola.

Sometimes, though, during my points of exhaustion, I find myself wishing that they would stop. I want to rest. I need to rest. It's more than a matter of choice though. My feelings of dedication and loyalty conflict with my own selfish needs. Then, after that split-second of hesitation, I continue on with my work.

Somebody told me that I need to make more time for others. While I respect their opinion and feel blessed that they would share it with me, I had to refute their claim. All of my time is for my lola. I will not apologize for that, nor do I regret it. Nobody knows how long life is. With the ever-so-fast deterioration of my mother, I learned that I needed to make every moment count. Ultimately, we do not need to answer to anyone but ourselves, and, if we believe in a higher power, our higher power. I am doing what I feel is right. What others make of me for it, so be it. I'm not trying to sound pompous, but I've found that too many people try to make you out to sound crazy, insecure, or just plain paint an unflattering painting of our character. We all view each other through tinted eyes. There will always be detractors and supporters. Discerning the difference between those opinions that are meant to help you and from those that are just unfounded is one of the greatest skills that one can have.

We must be confident enough in ourselves that another's opinion of us does not make us completely change and veer from our intent and direction. Whether we are right or wrong, that is up for time and the future to decide.

Yesterday, Chi Rho Omicron became Chi Rho Omicron, Inc. Up next is our filing for nonprofit status and tax exemption status. I am very proud of the fact that the brotherhood took this step forward so as to protect its individual members. The brotherhood has been growing at a rate that we needed this taken care of as soon as possible. I am happy to have been a part of that.

I wish I was as outspoken in other areas of my life. Most concern my happiness and sharing that with someone special. A long time ago, I had convinced myself that God never intended for me to find someone. That all I needed was God in my life. Circumstances changed and then changed back. I'm back to that position again. One can't force love. It's not controllable. One's attractions may be shaped from continual exposure to traits and criteria, but what one really feels, could be more innate than nurtured. I'm sure the opposite could be claimed as well.

In the past, I've said that I have too much going on. In reality, I just haven't found anyone that would go through it with me. It's funny, at work one of my coworkers had said, "If Bobby weren't ....., I'd try to marry him." You can imagine what the ellipses represents.

Maybe you're thinking short. It could possibly be young or old. Ugly? We'll leave it up to people's imagination. It's a flattering comment, although I made sure not to take it for anything more than just a humorous comment mixed in with sarcasm. In any case, it all adds up.

I used to walk quickly, with my eyes focused on the first few feet in front of my. My head would be down, and I rarely made eye contact. Now, I walk slowly, with my head raised, looking out toward the future. People have said that I walk with dignity. Whatever it is, I'm not sure what caused the change. Maybe it stems from growth. Or esteem. It's definitely something that I hope that I can improve even more on.

Improvement. Those that continue to improve separate themselves from the average. A person doesn't have to be twice as strong, twice as fast, or twice as intelligent to be great. They just have to be a little bit better than everyone else. They only have to add that little bit in order to separate themselves. Races aren't won by huge margins. Only a little bit. A little bit more training, a little bit more mental preparation, or a little bit more heart.

At a meeting last night at the Oak Park Community Center, the following statement was read:

"While admittedly I'm no scholar when it comes to Oak Park, but when it comes to areas I've been in that resemble the way I imagine Oak Park being, gentrification only helps so much. It usually doesn't get rid of the low-income people that loiter around drinking and gambling in the middle of the day. Short of finding out which ones are the dregs of society and bussing them out of the area, I only see it giving these people different and prettier places to loiter, drink, gamble, prosititute, or firebomb."

It just goes to show how horrible bigotry can be when it rears its ugly head. What do you think?

For my birthday, I became a lifetime member of the Filipino American National Historical Society (FANHS). I attended my first meeting of the FANHS Sacramento-Delta chapter and learned a lot of local history. For example, there was an area in Elk Grove where a concentration of Filipinos lived. The area was bordered by Elk Grove Boulevard on the north, Elk Grove-Florin Road on the west, Webb Road on the east, and Grant Line Road on the south. Filipinos were not allowed to venture out of this area after sundown, as the local Ku Klux Klan didn't allow it. In 1952, there was a hanging of a Filipino at a tree where the current Maytag store sits on Grant Line Road. It was marked by signs that read, "Don't let the sun set on your head." Gripping I tell you. Gripping.

In the past, the first day of spring coincided with my birthday, March 21. From 1981 to 2102, the first day of spring will be on or before March 20. In fact, March 19 will be the first day of spring in 2008, 2012, and 2016. It's a strange phenomemon, related to the earth's elliptical orbit, precession, the force of gravity exerted from other planets, etc. No longer can I say that my birthday falls on the first day of spring. Not in California anyway. I can however, say that my birthday coincides with the first full day of spring. That'll work for me.