There sure is a lot going on.

I am a victim of bank fraud. Exactly $11,666.00 worth of bank fraud. The bank is going to investigate the situation, but it sure is inconvenient, and I feel like I can not trust anyone.

I have reached a dip in my life where I have asked, "What did I do to deserve this?"

This time of the year is a particularly sensitive time for me because my mom's death anniversary is October 18. Every year, I enter into a realm of numbness. It seems to get better with each passing year, but I hope that I never forget.

My uncle is barely speaking to me, which actually is a bit more relaxing for me. He is not stressing me out with his fatalistic philosophies on the future or his equally fatalistic conspiracy theories.

Yet I have much to be thankful for. I have a job that I really enjoy and feel productive at, my lola is still around to cherish and love. I have purpose. Otherwise, there would not be a reason for me to be here, wasting space.

The same wind blows on us all. It is the set of the sail that determines whether or not we reach our destination..If wind is a roadblock, or a challenge, then we can set our sails differently to control the wind to push us toward out goal.

My uncle is under my skin right now. In a nutshell, he accused me of not caring about my lola or my mom and putting my friends in front of my family.

It all started when on Saturday, as I was getting ready to attend a wedding of two friends, he asked to use my car. He had been working on his engine, and used my car earlier in the day to get some parts. Earlier that day, when he said that he would be 20 minutes, he was 45 minutes. It was 3:18 p.m. and I wanted to leave by 3:30 p.m. to get out to downtown Sacramento, find parking, and get to the wedding. I told him I'm sorry, I can't, because I have an appointment. I went inside, ate a quick meal, and went upstairs to get ready. I knew I would not get out of my house by 3:30 p.m. at that point, but I had built in some buffer time in my schedule. It's what people do when they time manage.

Anyway, I got ready, was in my tux, packed my camera, had my card and was ready to go. I go outside, and my car was gone. He still had my spare key and he took off with my car, even though I told him I would not let him borrow the car. It was 3:38 p.m. I wait. It hits 4:00 p.m. I start clearing out the area from around my other car, even though I know that it will not start, cluttering up the area where he is working on his car. I figured that if God were on my side, the car would start. Well it did not. In all that time, it even got to 4:15 p.m. I am pacing in my driveway, cussing up a storm. It finally was 4:22 p.m. when he drives up. As he parks in the driveway, I immediately start yelling at him. All he tells me as he gets out of the car is that he needs to get the parts out from the passenger side. As soon as he gets them, and shuts the door, I back up and speed off.

I made it to the wedding. They were running late, so, relatively, I was not late. I thought about this on the way home. He is my uncle, a relative, and did not deserve my verbal attack. I was angry, for sure, and I had every right to be, but I should have let him borrow the car in the first place. If I was late to the wedding, or missed it altogether, I could still make it to the reception.

He left the house early yesterday, and did not say a word to me. When he did finally come home, it was in the middle of Sunday Night Football, and he proceeded to tell me that I did not care about my family and that I put my friends first. He said that I want to just beat him up. My uncle said I do not visit my mom's burial site and that I just took the insurance money, in a greedy act displaying my desire only for money. He threatened to tell my aunt and our province in the Philippines of my uncaring attitude, asking me to give him his freedom and leave him alone. He asked me if my friends were more important than him. All I could say was, "No." I tried to explain to him that I was upset that he took the car out from right under my nose, when he knew that I had said I needed to go to the wedding.

From the beginning, I think it is arguable that I should have let him use the car and been late to the events. For that, I plan to apologize. As far as when, I am not ready. Call it pride, ego, or being stubborn. He is my uncle, no matter how irritated I get around him. However, there is no way that it was right for him to take the car without even a warning. Worst of all, his accusation toward me of not caring about my mom and lola, is a bigger act of disrespect than taking my car. That statement could not be further from the truth. It hurts, and, if it were not for lola, I would ask him to leave. I have to admit that, despite how aggravated I get with him, his extra set of eyes and hands are helpful with my lola. If I were on my own, I could take care of myself. However, I can not take care of myself and lola alone. He provides that extra help.

Maybe he feels unappreciated. I do not know. What I do know is that we are not happy with one another right now. I can not help but question whether I think, consciously or subconciously, that I am better than him. Obviously, I am bothered by the whole situation. I want to acknowledge where it is my fault, but I know it is not completely my fault. It is rarely ever one person's fault. Every person contributes to a problem, and we need to own up to our roles in situations. My hope is that we can sort it out soon.